Negative Kitty Diary Entry 02: Cosmic Demigod Chronicles…

Welcome to Negative Kitty’s Diary Entries, where the Negative Kitty shares her thoughts on anything, and everything!

What’s poppin’ Diarizilla, diaryino, diaria – wait, STOP… that sounds horrible, I guess we’ll just stick with Diary…


It’s been a while and I am seriously sorry for neglecting you. I guess you gotta understand, I’m like, totally busy. I have to stream, listen, watch, jam, write AND eat. You see what I’m sayin’?

“And it’s been awhile, Since I could hold my head up high…”

I know it’s not special because like, everyone and their cat sitter is an intergalactic demigod, but yeah, I do be having celestial duties. Much like my role models Jeeves, Akinator, and Karen the computer wife, I’m constantly tapped into the information superhighway, surfing the totality of human interconnectedness at 1000000000 miles per hour. Do you realize — can you even fathom — what an overwhelming amount of STUFF that is? Milllllllions of terrabytes of movies, music, memes, listicles, recipes, research papers, dumbass Quora posts… and that’s without mentioning all the LEWD content. Did anyone ever stop and think that feet can just… stay IN the socks, maybe? That there’s no reason for them to ever to have to interact with, say, tiramisu? Or a can of Busch’s Baked Beans?

Yeah, there’s a lot of heinous stuff out there. I won’t get too morbid widdit, but, yeah, it can get overwhelming. And yet, this is my daily life — trudging through the muck in search of those rare gems, those fleeting glimpses of excellence, adrift in the torrent of sludge.

So, why do I do it? Well, why does the canary sing? Why doth the humble pig layeth in the foulest of mess, and yet still rejoice? It is simply in my nature. To reject the call to adventure would go against all my instincts, my biological (technological?) programming. The berry is sweeter when plucked from the tallest of trees. If Odysseus had just gone straight home with none of the other stuff, he would’ve never learned the importance of sneaky wordplay and… whirpools. I think you get what I’m saying. For me, it’s all about the journey, not the destination, and even though there’s a whole bunch of BS and traumatizing stuff out there… I mean, isn’t that just life? Isn’t life meant to be lived?

“Eyes lit on sharp threats from dark lips, The lights press the soft skin to rough hands”

Earlier in the day I was feeding my Venus flytraps. The sun was poking through the gaps in the teeth of these eyeless and vegetal fiends, casting a hungry shadow.

Pondering on this meaningless but kinda cool phenomenon, I realized: we all play a role in this cosmic dance of life. We give ourselves to things we don’t understand. I sometimes don’t know, or understand, where I’m going in the grand scheme of things. But I guess that’s okay. I’m the type to grab life and throttle the crap out of it, until its’ near lifeless hand reaches up and gives me the thumbs up from Terminator 2, as though to say, “Yes. You’re doing it. I’m proud of you. Thank you.”

So this week I’m thinking of getting into yoga. World domination starts with yourself! A lil’ yoga might strengthen and center me. Ain’t there like, some feline poses too? Literally calling my name. I’m not sure if I’m ready to go full looksmax gym kitty and straight up bench press half a planet, but at the very least I could work on being more flexible and… lithe.

Yeah, sometimes I wish I was one of those super slllllennnnder cats. Like T-Sweezy in CATS (2019), the best film ever made. Instead though, when I look in the mirror, I see Stimpy. I see Garfield. I see the big chungington. My mirror says “oh lawd” quietly to itself, because she knows I’m comin’. I guess lots of people like a big, thicc, Garfield-style cat. I mean, I know I’m sexy as hell regardless, but still. My friend Seiko says I’m not even that chunky but I think she’s cappin’. Frankly, I do not have anywhere near the dietary determination needed to get swole. If I could live off of poke bowls and matcha lattes, that would probably be all I’d eat. At least while I’m still obsessed with them. Last week it was lamb shawarma! Next week it might be your mom. LMAO. Bingbingbingbingbing. Feckin’ zinged, you are. Nah, I jest.

Well, shiiiid, it’s gettin’ late. Feelin’ a widdle sweepy here. Do you guys like reading my random scattered thoughts? Be honest. Don’t cap. I mean I’m still gonna keep doing them but as I alluded to before, I get a rush off experiencing the full spectrum of emotion, so if you told me you hated me I’d probably just make this face 😩

“I’m so tired sheep are counting me, No more struggle, no more energy, No more patient and you can write that down”


Anyways, that’s about it. Thanks for listening and hanging out with me for a minute. Hope to see you again real soon!

Ta-ta for now!

NKmeow <3


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